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"Raising questions, finding answers
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity. Originally thought to be at the "borderline" of psychosis, people with BPD suffer from a disorder of emotion regulation. While less well known than schizophrenia or bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), BPD is more common, affecting 2 percent of adults, mostly young women.1 There is a high rate of self-injury without suicide intent, as well as a significant rate of suicide attempts and completed suicide in severe cases.2,3 Patients often need extensive mental health services, and account for 20 percent of psychiatric hospitalizations.4 Yet, with help, many improve over time and are eventually able to lead productive lives.

Symptoms
While a person with depression or bipolar disorder typically endures the same mood for weeks, a person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day.5 These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse. Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values. Sometimes people with BPD view themselves as fundamentally bad, or unworthy. They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are. Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone.

People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike). Thus, they may form an immediate attachment and idealize the other person, but when a slight separation or conflict occurs, they switch unexpectedly to the other extreme and angrily accuse the other person of not caring for them at all. Even with family members, individuals with BPD are highly sensitive to rejection, reacting with anger and distress to such mild separations as a vacation, a business trip, or a sudden change in plans. These fears of abandonment seem to be related to difficulties feeling emotionally connected to important persons when they are physically absent, leaving the individual with BPD feeling lost and perhaps worthless. Suicide threats and attempts may occur along with anger at perceived abandonment and disappointments.

People with BPD exhibit other impulsive behaviors, such as excessive spending, binge eating and risky sex. BPD often occurs together with other psychiatric problems, particularly bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and other personality disorders.

Treatment
Treatments for BPD have improved in recent years. Group and individual psychotherapy are at least partially effective for many patients. Within the past 15 years, a new psychosocial treatment termed dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) was developed specifically to treat BPD, and this technique has looked promising in treatment studies.6 Pharmacological treatments are often prescribed based on specific target symptoms shown by the individual patient. Antidepressant drugs and mood stabilizers may be helpful for depressed and/or labile mood. Antipsychotic drugs may also be used when there are distortions in thinking.7 "

I typically have a predictable cycle of first feelign over confidence where I set goals and start workign on them.  Then I get depressed.  then comes the self-destructive behavior where I destroy all I've accomplished so far, followed by a deeper depression.  Then I go into a religious phase.  Then I start all over.  But the bizaar shifts in my assesment of myslf and others are the hardest.  I can have a love-hate relationship with anyone.  Because my self-esteem and judgement chages dramatically in a matter of mintues.  Then I'm okay again...oh wait, that person hates me all of a sudden.  No, it was a misunderstanding.  (Truly the most annoyign part.)  Can ya'll tell where I am now?
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So very true honey. I don't think I could do it. I'm not the vendictive type. I've done something nasty to someone once only. That was the bitch. I don't regret it, but I don't want to make it a habit. I'll have to find another way to deal. I can't talk to him though. His voice will melt me like butter in seconds.
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I have to go back in soon. I just wanted to add that I am still conflicted as to what to do about it. I will call daddy tonight. I may or may not start that conversation. I will leave it entirely up to him if we should spread word. All I have to do is get in contact with a woman by the name of Darlene(or whatever his sisters name is. I will double check on facebook) and it will take less than 48 hours for everyone to know. All one has to do is tell one female and wait, am I wrong? But I will still feel hurt, so what's the point??? I don't beleive it will cause harm to anyone really. He just won't like it. He deserves something bad. Is him gettign stuck with the other thing bad enough? He didn't want it. I know this person would always put his best interest first before anyone else(even his own child). I can picture him way back when trying to talk her into not having it. I'm glad at least she wasn't as easily manipulated by him. I still have a hard time with those. Am I being too vague? I guess you'd have to have read all my friends only post this past year to understand. I'm just talking about other people's lives. Nothing important.
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So Christmas day after opening presents and seeing mom-in-law we went to bro-in-laws for Christmas dinner at 2.  I was trying to convince everyone that next year we should do what my family always did for Christmas presents.  The draw a number from the hat game.  Good fun.  They are coming around.  After dinner we went to my sis-in-laws to play the new WII game my neice and nephew got, Rock band.  I posted some more pix on myspace.  My son was adorable.  He sang nurserry ryhms into the microphone.  I was suprised the girl wasn't more into it.  She is in choir, but wouldn't get on the mic.  Even  did to help kiddo out.
The next day she went home.  We got a flat on the way home.  Funny considering that's what happened the last time we sent her back.  I was just so grateful it happened after she left, not on the way to the airport.  Hubby didn't appreciate my upbeat attitude as always.  He takes everythign out on me verbally.  I didn't freak out over a flat and he insisted there was something wrong with me.  Right.  I'm the one with the problem.  Sure.
Over the next few days before I returned to work, I read both Twilight and new moon.  I couldn't put them down.  Even though I kept laughing because it was so ridiculous.  The author is talented.  Can't deny that.  Hey, do they ever have sex???  I have Eclipse, but won't read it untill Breakign down comes out in paperback.  I dislike Hard backs.  Not as easy to hold.  I just need to know if they ever get to.
Last night my son, out of the blue, came up to me to sit on my lap, legs wrapped around me, to hold me for a few minutes.  Very sweet.  I felt bad for ignorng him for so many days.  I was way too absorbed.  I need to play with him.  I should, NO, will open up his Crayola gifts and do that with him ASAP.
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( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )
Tags:
Current Location:
in bed
Current Mood:
sleepy
Current Music:
tele
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After a more than exciting week leading up to Christmas (one ER visit and a pneumonia in the family) when I had intended to post this installment of the set, I'm happy to bring you further highlights from the Mustang set. In this case, Lolly.

My Muse )

Current Location:
United States, Alabama, Huntsville
Current Mood:
content content
Current Music:
The Gathering - Leaves
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I just did a photoshoot to create album art for Psyche Corporation's upcoming music album. Here are two pics from the shoot.

You can find out more about Psyche Corporation here:
http://www.psychecorporation.com
http://myspace.com/psychecorp

more+bigger versions )

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Naked she lay, clasped in my longing arms,
I filled with love, and she all over charms
Both equally inspired with eager fire,
Melting through kindness, flaming in desire.
With arms,legs,lips close clinging to embrace,
She clips me to her breast, and sucks me to her face.
-- the imperfect enjoyment by john wilmot

Photobucket

which should convey my soul up to her heart )
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